This is a topic that I’ve held to my heart that I’d like to share. Originally, this post was going to be about what it likes to work out as a retired collegiate athlete, but it morphed into something else.

This post is especially for those people who like to compare their middle or high school athletic experiences to the college level. Yes, you may have played basketball or ran in high school, but that in no way compares to the degree of dedication, competitiveness, and difficulty faced by a collegiate athlete. College athletics consumes you.

Track and field were my life. Even though I’ve been in ‘retirement’ or the ‘NARP world’ for two years, the sport will always have a piece of my heart.

It started with gangly middle school me excelling at the high jump, which led to–a little less gangly–me leading my team in the jumps and sprints.

Fortunately enough, I was able to continue my athletic journey into college where I landed a spot on a Division 1 track  & field team. I spent four years, eight seasons, and countless hours dedicating myself to both indoor and outdoor track & field. Even in graduate school, I worked in media relations for the track team, interviewing the team and coaches, writing their articles, and attending meetings.

Unlike most students, who get to choose their schedule of classes, and when they want to eat or wake up, my life revolved around my sport. Every minute of every day was planned around weight lifting, jumping practice, conditioning, treatment, team meetings, or community service. My sleep, meals, studying time, and even when I could have fun were all determined by my practices. I couldn’t even commit to weekend plans without seeing whether I had practice, a meet, or some volunteer service related to track.

As a person, you want to stay balanced in the different areas of your life. This balance could mean adjusting what you do and the times to fit your life. There was no balance in college. Track dominated and took priority over everything. They like to call us student-athletes because the student part is always supposed to come first. That’s a nice gesture, but it’s not true.

No matter how big the upcoming test/project is, the necessity of group work, or if you need the extra time to study, practice always come first. You are always an athlete before you are a student. This notion is evident on the first day of classes when you sheepishly hand your excuse letter form to your professor. The letter that allows you to miss classes and exams for competitions, and more importantly notifies them that you are an athlete.

You are an athlete first when you have to arrange every class around your practice schedule, which means not always getting the best professors or even being able to take the classes you actually want. You are an athlete first when you get to class wearing dirty practice clothes still fresh with sweat, eating snacks because there’s no time for the dining hall, or falling asleep when you were up before the sun.

I faced the typical concerns of a college student like deciding what to wear on the weekends (when there wasn’t a meet or Saturday practice), ‘wow what am I going to do with my degree,’ and ‘ooo does he think I’m cute?!’

I also faced failure at practice and in competition, painful injuries that ice couldn’t cure, and pushing my body to its daily limit. I faced getting my ego crushed when I realized that my status as a top athlete in high school meant nothing in college. I faced scrutinizing my body when it wasn’t as strong or able as my teammates. I faced exhaustion from 20 hours of practice, 17 credits of classes, and countless hours of studying a week. I faced embarrassment falling asleep in class or being the smelly girl in class, who didn’t have time to shower or change after practice.

There were times when I wanted to quit after a rough day at practice or waking up at 6:00 AM in -15 degrees for morning lift. I’d throw my spikes down, kick the mat, or fling myself into the locker room couch and cry.

The worst times were during my injuries. A few stress fractures in my spine, sprained quads, shin splints, and some more stress fractures in my feet. I’d wonder if the physical pain and emotional toil of hitting yet another road block in my season were worth it. The pain and injuries that will no doubt follow me through life because of what I put my body through in those four years.

I’m glad I didn’t quit.

When I think of my time as an athlete, the injuries, over-crowded schedules, and occasional failures I face today are light work in comparison. The time I spent as an athlete is invaluable. I gained a family in my coaches and teammates and made friends with other team’s athletes who supported me through college.  They stood beside me in college through tears of pain and joy, 12-hour track meets + 8-hour bus rides home and everything in between. They will stand beside me on my wedding day, celebrate with me when I finally land my dream job and race against me when we’re old and gray.

These people shaped who I am today. I am more strong, confident, passionate, open to others, and dedicated to whatever I do. I am so thankful for my time as a collegiate athlete, and even when my high jumping skills fade away (they already have), I know that these feelings of gratitude never will.