Well, well, well. If it isn’t the consequences of my own laziness and inaction coming to haunt me again.

At the beginning of the year, I made it a goal to “write–even just a sentence–every day.” Through work, texting, slack, and creating lists, I technically have accomplished that? Maybe? Okay, yes I did write thousands of sentences and probably millions of words this year, but I wouldn’t categorize it as substantial personal writing.

I’m sure a lot of people find themselves doing that almost daily. Making promises to cook and not order out, to go for a run, to call that family member, to make that doctor’s appointment. I know I’m not the only one.

My main excuse was that I initially started this blog out when I was traveling and living a slightly more glamorous/exciting life compared to working an 8-5 desk job. This year, I was fortunate to have the (brief) opportunity to travel before the world shut down. Even then I only touched on a couple of places before ignoring my blog completely DESPITE having detailed notes on my phone of my day to day experiences. Why am I like this? I don’t know.

Quarantine especially brought these feelings out. The excitement and planning of starting something new only to grow bored of it or realize I wasn’t truly committed to that ambitious goal. Of course there’s a difference between downloading The Sims to play and giving up after three days compared to doing an activity that I both enjoy and is productive–writing.

Now, I’m sitting here wondering where I’m even going with this. I think at the end of the day, writing should be mostly about what I want to write and what I get enjoyment from. Sometimes I sit here thinking about what people would like to read or creating lists of all the exciting things I’m doing. In reality, nobody reads this blog unless it’s by accident AND I don’t have to fall into this pressure on constantly doing/writing about exciting things.

That’s how people start comparing themselves to vloggers, Insta models, and TikTok stars who all seem to have these glamorous, fun-filled, and unrealistic lives. When I feel that little comparison or jealously bug gnawing at my eyes and encouraging them to scroll through more, I have to remind myself about the reality of these situations. Most of these people are going to events, traveling, cooking, shopping, decorating and whatever else to create content for people like me who eat it up. It’s not their norm or their reality. It’s likely their job where you don’t see the 40 unflattering selfies, taste the burnt cookies from a failed recipe, feel the rashes from trying beauty products, or smell the bathrooms from the cheap coach seats,. It’s the unseen, dingy side of making that beautiful content. They’re living for others and making a living off of others, while I want to live for me.

Of course, I’m going to share photos of cute puppies I find, oysters I shuck, or sunsets I ogle. All of us create this online persona to some degree. There are so many little things in my day that I find special that probably wouldn’t be “blog worthy” like buying a calligraphy pen, paying off my student loans, or writing in said blog for the first time in months. And that’s okay.

Maybe this is the start of a new writing chapter for me! Or an ending.