After an intense 10-minute bike ride, including the last half mile being completely uphill, I finally made it to CorePower Yoga–my latest workout class trial. Since I’m new to Los Angeles, I figured a good way to meet people would be through a gym. Lately, I’ve been more into a barre phase than lifting weights, so, I decided group fitness would be the way to go! Little did I know how anti-social it would be. 

“COME ON, MONDAY!” That was the closest thing I got to acknowledgment during my ~hour and fifteen minutes at CorePower. I rolled into the locker room, sweating from my ride, but greeted the fellow women with a smile and hi. In turn, I received some stares and maybe, MAYBE, a slight nod of the head. “Ooookay,” I thought to myself and focused on pulling out my mat from my travel bag. The class instructor also made an appearance in the locker room. We made eye contact before she ducked her head and ran through the room without a “welcome” or anything. Maybe the class itself would be a little better. 

I headed inside the room, quickly making its way into the upper 90s for my hot yoga sculpt class. I sidled up next to some other ladies in the class, unrolled my mat, grabbed some weights, and plunked down. Unlike other gyms and workout classes, I’ve joined, there was no pre-class banter. No, “I hope I don’t pass out!” or “What do you think she’ll have us do today?” You know, the friendly camaraderie that lets us all know we’re going to drag ass through the class together. It’s the self-deprecating jokes that we can all appreciate when we’re about to get our asses handed to us by a perky instructor who wants us to “SHOW UP,” “GIVE IT OUR ALL,” or “UPGRADE OUR LIVES.” Actual phrases I’ve heard. Instead, people avoided eye contact and waited for the said instructor to come in and essentially lock us in a dark sweat box for the next hour as we worked out in silence. 

Now, I understand that many of the people surrounding me didn’t join as a way to socialize. Some might want the peace of mindlessly working out without needing conversation. But, for those of us looking for friends, it’s tough. This brings me to the real point of this story; it’s hard making friends as an adult. And by an adult, I am not counting those in college or graduate school because friendship is basically served up on a platter there. You have built-in friends in your dorm, on your intramural team, in class, etc, etc. I’m talking about, I just moved to Los Angeles, and I only know a few people scattered across this enormous city, who wants to go on a walk, grab drinks, play tennis, talk about books, ironically but also unironically watch the bachelorette with me? WHO WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND?

Because of my love for the flexibility that remote work provides, I don’t go into an office or have colleagues nearby. I work from home, relax at home, and do a lot of things at home, which can be pretty lonely and isolating. Besides going to the grocery store (and yes, I’ve talked to my friends before about how weird it would be to pick up a new friend at Whole Foods), group classes are my only outlet where I can find friends on my own, separate from those in Jack’s class. Many of my friends and other introverts out there might find this to be an ideal situation, but as someone who is very extroverted, I feel like a yappy dog all pent up–so much I want to say and do, but no one to listen or do things with! I am trying to be patient and let people come to me, so that friendships can develop naturally, but at the end of the day, I am impatient. You can see my problem. 

I’d also argue that finding friends is more difficult than dating. At least with dating, you can kind of sense whether the other person is interested in you and if you’re interested in them. With “friend dating” (frating? I’ll workshop that one later), you might have no freaking clue. On the flip side, if things don’t go well with a potential new friend, I think it’s much harder to ghost them than a date. I can’t tell them I’m focusing on me, not in a good place, seeing someone else seriously, now can I?

So while CorePower Yoga hasn’t been the friend-finding scene I thought it might be, at least I’m staying in shape and releasing some of this pent-up energy I so clearly have. And who knows, maybe I’ll lock eyes in the mirror with a future fated friend while doing upward dog. 

If not, I’ll hit up Bumble BFF again. I was lucky once!